We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
