Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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