id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
wow bdsm is so cute
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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