Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize