I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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