I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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