he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just gargled with NyQuil
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
