just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
