1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
pop tarts are not kleenex
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
