I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god it's open bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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