Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
