Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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