Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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