Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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