My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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