mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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