I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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