You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
