it wasn't lemon gatorade
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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