I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
