Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
