Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
