I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
