Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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