you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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