I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
