The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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