plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
