I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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