im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
