Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
