I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
