Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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