ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
