yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
