I just saw a hot homeless man
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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