I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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