cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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