WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
