I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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