he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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