you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
honey bunches of taint.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
