His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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