Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i came on her dog
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
