so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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