I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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