You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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