I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
