Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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