and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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