hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
