wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
