We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
