guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
