i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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