I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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