I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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