So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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