but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
