I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
