I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
