i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
