Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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