My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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