For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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