for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
