just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
