I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
