I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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