Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
