Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
