OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
