I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
