im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I pour the whiskey from now on
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
