Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
