Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
