we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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