Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize