The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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