i was born a porn star she said
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
