i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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