meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
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We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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