Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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