wanna go halves on a baby?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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