.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
