He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
