you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
