your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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